My mama heart ached. My sweet youngest who has always had the tender heart has hit the big "P" (puberty) and I miss her easy deep heart smile and simple joy in each moment. Not that she doesn't smile anymore, just that the sweet young innocence of pre-pubecence has been masked by this transition of life. Her confession in the wind filled car as we cruised down the highway was an innocent heart rendering of life as seen by a 12 year old. But in as much as she is like me, I knew I had to share the truth and wisdom I discovered the hard way.
I began to share with her the pre-history of her life when she was but the orb under my maternity shirts and how her grandma died unexpectedly. A woman riddled with a degenerative disease which delivered a great deal of pain to her young body. She couldn't live forever but 48 was far under our estimates. A little more than 2 months later my sweet Brooke entered the world. My heart ached and broke. She was to be my last and I knew it, my body couldn't handle more babies, she was a miracle as it was. My heart couldn't handle more loss.... my mom, my uterus.... I sunk into a deep depression requiring medication. I would paint on a smile for friends and family, teach Sunday School, run women's ministry. I would hang my hat on living to get through to the moments ahead while the hum-drum of ordinary daily life was deafening to my ears. I wanted to make it stop.
Then, one day, out of nowhere except the vaults of heaven, hope rained down and God reminded me of who I was (and Whose I was!). I realized that life isn't about the moments we get through to.... it is about every moment right now. Mom couldn't live those moments anymore and I felt I HAD to live them on her behalf and to the Glory of God to bring honor to her memory and His amazing Grace.
Things began to change in my household.
- No longer was cleaning that chore I had to get through to get to what I wanted to do.... cleaning was the privilege of having strength in my body, a home to live in and a husband who supported a stay-at-home-mom.
- No longer was laundry the monotonous task of dealing with stains and so many clothes for so many bodies, it was the awesome opportunity to be certain my family was well clothed and smelling good (baths too!)
- No longer was cooking, breakfast-lunch-dinner, the exhaustive necessity we all couldn't live with out, it was the wonderful occasion, multiple times a day, to show my love and care by providing nutritious and good tasting meals which fed not just their bellies but their hearts as well. (I have a mother's day card to prove it!)
Yes, a lot changed once I realized and welcomed the fact that I didn't want to live in that void of working to get through to the next moment anymore. I wanted to embrace life in each moment and breath God gave me, spending it abundantly and finding joy in the simplest tasks to see him glorified through a positive attitude.
It did more than give life to the idea of making house a home.... it gave each moment its own purpose and made life worth living again. I shared much of this with my daughter as we drove. I encouraged her to rise above the transitional mindset and commit to the element of NOW and God's greater purpose and plan for every minute of every day... not just the destination, but the journey in-between.
I pray, if you are a housewife out there wondering what the purpose is in all that monotony.... living to get through to the next big thing... that you might look up and see God in each and every moment between and draw your joy from the journey and his presence in simply being!