Friday, October 10, 2014

Marriage Advice In Retrospect

What child doesn't fantasize of the perfect marriage?  I know I did... even as an adult I falsely believed for years in a marriage without trouble.  After all, a marriage with trouble meant we weren't compatible.  A marriage where hate and anger crept in was one where you really didn't 'get' each other... and likely never would.  Marriage meant he always leaned my way because that is what gentlemen do... right?  And the idea of my husband as my BFF... please... that is what other women are for, that way we can get together and talk about all the ridiculous things pertaining to husbands (like I could do that with my man).

Then God revealed a Biblical marriage to me.  A marriage which entailed ups and downs... a marriage which required selfless and willing compromise, a marriage where anger (and yes, even hate) may creep in but the power of the Spirit could push it back out.  A marriage where cleaving was so beautiful on so many levels that my husband could and should be my BFF and any unwholesome talk about him to others was not only destructive for him... but it was also destructive to our relationship as a whole.

Today is our wedding anniversary.  I am so blessed by the biblical marriage God has transformed ours to be.  I am reminded of my grandparent's sage wisdom when I sought there council at their 50th wedding anniversary, a year before my marriage.  Grandpa said NO MATTER WHAT, don't go to bed angry... yet, realizing how unrealistic that could be at times, he tenderly added, if you can't resolve your conflict before you go to sleep, at least say "I Love You" and then take care of it in the morning.  Such wonderful advice as I reflect on this tidbit I ran across in Chicken Soup for the Woman's Soul:

Marriage Advice from 1886
Let your love be stronger than your hate or anger.
Learn the wisdom of compromise, for it is better to bend a little than to break.
Believe the best rather than the worst.
People have a way of living up or down to your opinion of them.
Remember that true friendship is the basis for any lasting relationship.  The person you choose to marry is deserving of the courtesies and kindnesses you bestow on your friends.
Please hand this down to your children and your children's children: The more things change the more they are the same.

Jane Wells (1886)

Timeless and true.

I pray your marriage is packed full of the truth of God's Call and love... when the waters are rough, His joy keeps you anchored and holding steadfast!


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