Wednesday, March 20, 2013


It is one of those non-bloomy times.  I think we all have them... some more than others.  Those times when our hearts are covered with frost and the only thing keeping ice away is that remembrance and love of Christ that just doesn't leave. 

It doesn't leave because we remember... remember the sun and the warmth and the flowers with the soft petals and pretty faces looking so cheerful.  We remember the skipping and the laughing and the moments of warm embraces.  And we know... we know those moments WILL return.  They always return.  Just sometimes later than sooner.

I suffered from clinical depression.  The kind that nearly took my life three times when I was young and came scarcely close again when I was an adult... before the meds.  When people tell me they struggle with the same - I understand.  I know.  I have been there... I am still there some days.  It is like a wild roller coaster ride someone blind-folded you and stuck you on, got you going down the tracks before whipping off the blind fold and saying "Surprise!  Isn't this fun?" 

No, it is not fun.

Through prayer and the grace of God - He has removed the need for meds from me.  After one of those deep-pit episodes where all I could see was the wall of dirt around me.  The gut-bottom of a 100-foot drop roller coaster, the icy coldness of a dieing heart.  He reached in and he pulled me out. 

I remember it so clearly.  Like Jesus turned on a light and said, "Look, I have been right here all along."  I think God gives me clear memory of that day because it is the hope that renews my strength on every day afterward.  The hope that keeps me from jumping into that pit, allowing that blind-fold, and melts the cold that tries to creep into my heart.

David spoke of these times.  So often in the Psalms he was running from Saul, from persecution and even death.  Yet, in those deepest, darkest moments, he held fast to the lord calling him his


David knew that NO MATTER what happened, God saw him, KNEW him, loved him and did not forsake him... even if it felt like it at times, "Lord, why have you forsaken me."!  At the end of the day he always remembered all God HAD done and trusted all God WOULD DO again:

He delivered me from my strong enemy, and from those who hated me; for they were too mighty for me.  They confronted me in the day of my calamity; but the Lord was my support
Psalm 18:17-18

David admits he could not do it alone.... Only God  could.

Only God

It is you who light my lamp; the Lord, my God, lights up my darkness.
Psalm 18:28

It isn't something we can do on our own.  And even when we are not strong enough to pray or search, he hears or whispers.... our groans and if we wait and Trust... He will bring light.

O Lord, you will hear the desire of the meek; you will strengthen their heart, you will incline your ear...
Psalm 9:17

He WILL hear.... he does hear.

So I crawl up under the edge of His mighty robe and I wait and I trust that He sees me... he will deliver me out of darkness.  HE will be my light and I will not be lost.  There may be moments... days even... of silence and tears and waiting.  But He delivered me before... he will deliver me again.  I need only wait and TRUST.

You gave me a wide place for my steps under me, and my feet did not slip.
Psalm 18:36

I don't know if you struggle with sadness or even full-on depression.  But know: God sees you.  He counts every hair on your head.  He will not forsake you.  Simply hold tight to His Truths and Promises and rest in His fortress, under the edge of His robe.  He will pick you up and set you down on solid ground again.


Be blessed,

Linking up, that maybe someone out there can be encouraged to overcome today.


  1. Oh, how I appreciate your perspective on the "non-blooming times". My backyard looks as brown as yours and some days I struggle to find passion for another day of this brown season. Thanks for the hope here. And for stopping by the Overflow this week so I could "find you"!

    1. Alicia, I am blessed to know God could use me today! May you be in full-bloom soon... thanks for stopping by!

  2. Oh Alicia! This was so beautiful. I have been to those dark places. I understand the miry feeling of it. I just wanted you to know that I know. I have been. Sometimes I feel the pull and I jump back under the cleft of My LORD, hide myself under His wing. You don't even know how this spoke to me. Perhaps because I am also now medicine free and rely on my LORD as you do. What a joy to my heart to 'know' another who has felt the exhilaration of freedom from that darkness.

    Thank you.
    Gretchen :)

    1. Gretchen, I feel blessed to hear and know another who has overcome the murky darkness as well! I know how words God spoke through others helped me, I am grateful he could speak so powerfully to you! Blessed to be your sister in His glorious Grace and Freedom!!!

  3. For different reasons, God has said the same to me too, that he was there all along. And it is good to remember that the psalms almost always end in praise even if they start out complaining" How long oh Lord, how long?"

  4. What a good and encouraging word for anyone suffering today. God bless your sweet, sweet heart. I'm so glad our paths have crossed through #TellHisStory!

    1. I am blessed in the same. I pray God will seep into those aching hearts today!