Wednesday, January 16, 2013

How to Give Your Spouse the Best of YOU

I have never been a girly-girl.

You know - the giggly, nail polish-on-every-finger, face-full-of-make-up, can't get dirty,pink and frills kind of girl.

I do like 'girl' things though...

I will paint my toe nails (because I think my toes are ugly and I want to dress them up!) but the most make-up you will see me wear in an average month is lipstick to meetings or church.

I always wear skirts and dresses (but they aren't pink).  I even played with baby dolls and barbie dolls and envisioned ball gowns as a child... but they were never pink... they were always BLUE.

I don't "giggle"... never have... but I laugh (probably too much if you ask my husband).  I make bad jokes that few people get... I march dance to the beat of my own drummer... some days literally!

Yet, God is calling me to invest my heart into 'girlfriends'.  You know; the kind you put nail polish on with and giggle and talk about that gorgeous pink dress you saw in the store window last week.

I don't know if I am ready!

So I ask God.... "Are you sure???  You know I won't fit in?"

And he whispers yes.

He begins to reveal to me that all the women I seem to know are not girly-girls either. Some of them are the kind who like their nail polish but not as much as they love their blue jeans and scuffed up sneakers.  Dirt doesn't scare them... neither does baby puke or whiny children. They may wear pink... frills are optional... but their favorite colors are usually purple or green or something more neutral like that.

Why is this so important?

Because of Marriage

You saw that right.  Marriage.  The kind between a man and a woman where women erroneously think that their husbands are the first and last and only person they need on this earth once the vows have been said.  And in some ways they are.  But in soooooo many ways they are not.

God has been showing me this.

He showed me as I listened to a husband/wife team talk at Focus on the Family about the best thing a woman can have in her marriage is girlFRIENDS - So we don't feel like we live in a vacuum!  So we know we are not alone in the trials and triumphs.  So we can laugh together (not giggle!) and cry together over all that girly (yes girly) stuff that makes us leak big fat tears and heave hearty belly-filled laughs.

He showed me again, Monday night, as I lie in bed and I begin to download my day to my tiered husband lying beside me... all the mommy stuff and girly stuff that makes us wives feel "accomplished" in our place in the home... he just wants to pray and go to sleep.

I could have been offended, hurt, angry, miffed.... you get the idea.  But instead I laugh to myself and smile at God's design.  A girl would get my day.  She would celebrate with me, ask for more, and share right back.

I realized, suddenly, that is what helps make a marriage move from good to GREAT.  It is recognizing and accepting that we are DIFFERENT.  Not bad different, but wonderful different.  And God gives us friends to fill that female gap of gushy, chatty, fluffy stuff MOST guys are happy to do without.

Maybe your guy is different - maybe he likes all that gushy stuff.  Maybe he is like mine - he wants to know what is going on... but not THAT much of it!!  I suddenly realized last night... I LOVE my man madly just the way he is.... he is my earthly beginning and end.... he is the one.... bumps, bruises and all!  But I am sooo blessed to have my girlfriends too :-)  To share with, laugh with and love with... to live out this crazy life on planet earth before we rock The Father's House one day in Heaven!

Dear Friend, I pray you have a wonderful circle of friends for all of life's ups and downs.... not to take away from your spouse the best of you... but to give to your spouse the best of you!


  Linking up with:


  1. loved reading this!! now following you through gfc. Thanks for stopping by my blog.

    1. Melissa,I am so blessed you enjoyed this! It is always fun to have an exchange with fellow bloggers... I'll be over again :-)

  2. I stopped, and slowed, and read this post carefully as it struck a tender point in my heart. You are so right. I remember someone telling me once how healthy it is for a marriage when the wife has girlfriends to share her chatty laughter with...she is more ready to share with her husband. Some wouldn't agree with this but it is true. Thanks for sharing over at WholeHearted Home this week.

    1. Judith, thank you for hosting a great link-up. It blesses me to know that the things God is showing me can help others as well. Be blessed this week!

  3. Great point! I am still working on this. My husband does actually listen to what I have to say and wants to know about it , so sometimes I feel like he would get less if he talked to others. And I don't want to complain about him to others because he is worth more than that, and if I have a real complaint I should take it to him. But I have recently been realizing that there are definitely things that I talk to my girl friends about that he couldn't care less about. And IO do love having girl time.
    I would love it if you would share this (and anything else you have been working on) at my linky party!

    1. Randomly, thank you for the invite! I will do that. I agree with you about the things we say ABOUT our husbands. I feel quite strongly that if you can't build your husband up to others you shouldn't talk about him at all. My hubby read this blog and thought I was saying he doesn't listen to me! I felt so bad about that... because he does. But with kids and ministry we get so little time to really talk that I want our conversations to be deeper then the fluff I tend to rattle on about! Fluff that is fun for me (and other girlfriends) but I feel like it takes away from our time to really connect in the evening. At least, this is what God has been showing me and I have been learning the value of friends in the mix. So, I plan to add to this post this week with a continuation of the thought :-)

      Thanks a bunch for stopping by! May God continue to richly bless your marriage... and your friendships!