Unseasonably warm Montana days are heating up the house. Windows open, fans on... it may be midnight or later before the crisp cold night-time air of this dry, usually cool, climate overtakes the day-time's warmth that had settled in.
Sometime in the dark night hours I awake to the chill of the fan still blazing on high and a draft from the window at my head. To groggy from sleep to change the circumstances, I huddle down farther under my flannel sheets and down comforter.
The alarm blares, 5a.m., time to cut the banana bread for hubby's early study group, but I don't want to budge. Bed is warm, pillow is soft, covers feel good... just 5 more minutes?
But it isn't just today I find myself feeling this way. It has been many days for more than a week now. And as if the warmth of my spring-bottom hide-a weren't enough to set my devotion life off-kilt... now my prayers are being affected. It doesn't matter my posture, evening prayers with my sweet husband, my turn to speak, and I can barely form a complete thought... barely call a full blessing... barely recall the needs of all those who have request our heart-felt callings to the Lord on their behalf.
I am ashamed.
So I called on Jesus this morning. Lee Thompson says God's phone number is easy to remember:
Call to me and I will answer you, and will tell you great and hidden things that you have not known.
- Jeremiah 33:3 (NRSV)
My fingers numbly dialed the numbers, my head bowed waiting for an answer on the other end. The connection wasn't very good. A lot of static. I heard something about time and something else about weary yourself. I told God, 'I know. I just reminded Ashley of that yesterday: If Jesus did so much for you, what are you willing to do for him.' Some of the static in the line cleared up just in time to hear, 'yes, you are usually good about remembering that piece of advice... but are you following it now?' I was silent. God suggested I take a few minutes, ponder, and call him right back.
I was stunned at first as I realized my problem; selfishness. I want just a little more time in the warmth. I want just a bit more rest. I ... I ... I. Then I was ashamed of myself. My daughter's devotion yesterday came ringing back to mind:
The apostle Paul says that marriage is a picture of the love between Christ and the church. The beautiful thing is that Jesus has given himself totally for you. He left heaven for you. He was born in a manger for you. He put up with the Pharisees for you. He allowed Roman soldiers to put nails in his hands for you. He rose again for you. He is now in heaven praying for you.
Jesus can, and will, do everything for you....
Jesus gave totally of himself for me... and what am I giving? My junky leftovers?
He left heaven for me... and I won't even get out of my bed?!?
He was born in a manger for me... talk about discomfort!
He put up with the Pharisees... yet I won't put up with my challenges and challengers?
He allowed nails in hands... and I won't brave the cold and body aches?
He rose for me... but I won't rise for Him.
He is now in heaven praying for me... and my prayer life is loosing its zeal because I am not responding to Him.
Jesus is doing EVERYTHING for me... and I, in comparison, am doing nothing for him.
My heart ached, tears brimmed my lids, I picked up the receiver, shaking fingers dialed again...
Lord? (the line was quiet) I am so sorry. Will you forgive me? Will you help me put things right?
Then a tender voice full of love gently said, 'Yes my sweet child, lets talk'.
but those who wait for the Lord shall renew their strength, they shall mount up with wings like eagles, they shall run and not be weary, they shall walk and not faint.
- Isaiah 40:31 (NRSV)
Life as a Christian is supposed to be lived in sacrifice. But if we grow weary in anything... let us not grow weary in our time and service to the Lord. HE is the breath of life and we must partake if we are to be renewed.
Be blessed in your time with the Lord,
A special THANK YOU to Rebecca at Mom's Mustard Seeds. Her blog this morning helped in the process of setting me straight!
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