Thursday, May 5, 2011

Evening the Tilt

I struggled with mood swings, anger and frustration when I was younger.  A female thing?  Maybe.  I suffered from various 'female' problems.  Even once those were removed, I was given to fancy.  Everyone knew what kind of day I had... no matter what. 

I didn't like that.

Romans tells us the Spirit "groans" on our behalf and the Holy Spirit in me knew my desire to even my tilt.

I am not perfect, but I am progressing.  My mood no longer swings.  And even though my anger and frustration is much better, God's not finished with me yet!  The last 12 months God has worked me and warn me down.  Like waves that crash on rocks breaking them apart, like wood warn by weather, God has worked to rid me of myself and form me as something wonderful and new.

I could not have come as far as I have without leaning on the Lord.  Last May, on my Day with God, HE showed me how providential His care can be...

... on a walk through some surrounding woods God drew my gaze to a row of trees.  Some had fallen, while others grew on.  One tree in particular was leaning against another, taller, stronger one.  He whispered to me,

"As this pine needs the strength of the other to grow and flourish, so, to, do I call you to lean into my strength when things seem difficult and hard to bare.  When you feel you no longer have the strength to stand, the ability to grow, I am here, lean on me."

I was brought to tears as His message penetrated my soul.  It was almost prophetic, for I did not know yet all the places and ways God would call me after that.  The home, the memories, the things HE would call me to lay down and lean on him as I did so.  Warn, tiered, and weak.  My weight found comfort and strength resting in him.

Through prayer, trust, and rest I learned how to let go.  God revealed to me how my emotions riding a roller coaster were not his design.  Full trust and faith in Him fostered that evenness I so desired

Like a flower, softly, peacefully, gently in bloom, it worries not for it's needs.  It rests, it trusts and it does not give to emotional fluctuation.  It spreads its petals, turning its face to the sun's life-giving force.  It draws in close to itself when clouds move in and storms begin to blow, but it does not budge from its spot.

I know a flower is not a woman.  But a woman can learn from God in a flower.  Turn our faces towards him, draw from inside when the sun is set and know the sun always rises.  Some days are better than others, our moods will only serve to build or destroy that course.  If we stand firm, stay steady, rejoice in the rejoicing and mourn the mourning, but stay steadfast and true in the Lord, leaning on Him for strength... we can grow steady, firm and tall. 

No God, no peace.  Know God, Know Peace.  May you find strength in the Lord to even your tilt in the world!

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